You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
