I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
