Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I wish my penis had an off switch
time to smoke my breakfast
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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