she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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