at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
