Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
