pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
