we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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