It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
