The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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