There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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