Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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