Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
