jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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