in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
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