Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
