i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
