My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
