I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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