I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
