he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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