Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
