I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
