I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
