worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
