We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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