My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
