and you said cock pushups were impossible
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
