..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
