She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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