Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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