hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
