she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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