apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
