I skipped work to stalk him.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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