Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
