whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
