Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
