East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
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