Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
