some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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