walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
