the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Randomize
