You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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