I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
