he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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