Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
