ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
