the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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