And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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