we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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