You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
