Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
