she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
