butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
