I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
