worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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