break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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