my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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