You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
