I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
