I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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