so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Randomize
