Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
