don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
