oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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