Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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