Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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