She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
