this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Shame - the story of my life.
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