She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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