We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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