$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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