margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
