Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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