how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
