I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
