i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize