soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
