oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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