I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
