Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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