id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
