$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize