Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
