Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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