Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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