sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
