I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
