I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
