shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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