We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
