remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
