I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
