BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Randomize
