Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize