plz talk dirty to me
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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