dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
