yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
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