The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
