i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
