I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
