Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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