I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
