It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
