how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
