She's JV to your varsity
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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