If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize