dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
