It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
