gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
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