i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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